Shy...

2004-03-29T13:16:00.000+08:00

Opinion...Opinion...Opinion...---my post in friendster

Reading some posts here in the bulletin board caught much of my attention. Sometimes it just bothers me to see people getting irritated with another person. Anyways, this is just something i'd like to share out to people with regards to how i think and feel about it. Personally, i don't take anything against those who feel bad about others since i believe that it's just a normal feeling. Likewise, there are some things that we do which could be foul or unlikely to do so. Things which i believe could be done in a much nicer way, in a more private and polite way. My opinion is that, if any of us feel something against someone, better tell him or her directly about it rather than saying things thru other ways. I know it isn't that easy to just say those things, but i believe it is of importance too. if we care much for the person, i think it is our responsibility to tell them of how we think of their actions, especially if they are our friends. telling things behind their back could in some way be relieving to others..but looking beyond that, we'll soon find out and realize that it'll just make things a lot worse. Regardless of how small or big the problem is, we, as His children, each are to have this passion and desire to help our friends and the people around us to be led to Him. Coz there are times that these people do not know the "dark side" of them, unless we get the courage to tell them of what we see in them. However, saying these can be done thru a nice approach. Just that...if we have grudges towards another person, please never hesitate to tell it to them for it'll make a big difference in each of our lives....
...just thinking out loud...

2004-03-01T17:00:00.000+08:00

For Crying Out Loud...

Psalm 142
1 I cry aloud to the LORD ;
I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy.
2 I pour out my complaint before him;
before him I tell my trouble.

3 When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who know my way.
In the path where I walk
men have hidden a snare for me.
4 Look to my right and see;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.

5 I cry to you, O LORD ;
I say, "You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living."
6 Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
7 Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name.

Then the righteous will gather about me
because of your goodness to me.

2004-01-28T12:08:00.000+08:00

The Blessed Reminder...

"I'm lost.." – Stitch’s famous line
Have you been in that situation? Where you felt you were so alone? Abandoned? No one to run to? Felt so unloved and not cared for?
Questions that seemingly has been an eye opener for me. For the past days, I’ve been into situations that have much affected a part of me. Been the center of people’s talks. Rumors. Stories that never did get away from me ever since. These times are those which I felt like giving up, not wanting to move on and continue the quest God has given me. The quest that I never thought was momentous until that day that He, again, spoke to me.
Were there times you felt so far from Him?
Once. Twice. No, nut just that, there were innumerable instances I suffered from these undertakings. I pretended like there was nothing wrong. Pretended I was strong, when in reality, I wasn’t. Deep inside me is a heart of affliction. Quavering through life’s painful trials. Finding for myself the valor that I’ve been looking for. With my own competence, I thought that they were enough for me to find my way again. The way to Him alone. The answer I’ve so long been searching for never left my side. Never took a step away from me, but instead has shown me the true presence of a loving Father.
God never did vanish…He’s just there, waiting for us. Felt like He’s going away? No, He is not. It has always been us who’s been moving away from Him. Not wanting to take that step of faith and let Him be the one to hold us, to take care of us, to lead us. Yes, there are times we feel unworthy to be called His children, but it is only through our acceptance of His love that we can then have the fervor of serving Him. There always is a blessed reminder for us. Whatever situation we are in, wherever we are, whatever we are doing, there will always be that time where we surely feel Him. Through simple ways – a song, a message, a site, a thing, or maybe a friend, or a loved one – these are instruments that God is using for us to remember Him.
In our days of agony, let us always learn by heart that there’ll always be someone there with us, ready to give us a hand to get out of the pit that we are in. Without much effort from us, He surely will be the one to guide us, and rescue us in those difficult hours of our lives. –“The Blessed Reminder” --- >>> twilight

Meno ‘04

2004-01-27T15:10:00.000+08:00

"now a name...soon a Legend"

"now a name...soon a Legend" ... A statement of powerful words, that which I remember hearing from a good friend, Ms. Catherine Brillante. Her words has captivated our souls. Her ways gently touching each of our hearts as she enlivens and brightens our days even with its simplicity. Her unique capabilities, has been much honed because of her unending love and desire of doing things with a touch of perfection. The young lady who never failed to be there for her friends in times of distress. A person full of courage, and determination. One who has surely strived hard to become who she is now. A faithful friend. A loving sister. An encourager. Words surely will not fit the right words to describe this person who has once shared a part of her life with us. With sincerity in our hearts, we thank Cathy, for the joy she has given us, for the life she has imparted in us. Memories are all we have to remember her, and surely, there will be no "Cathy Brillante" we'll meet other than her. A special person who'll always remain here in our hearts, and we pray that in the right time, we'll all meet again. Cathy will always be one of the legends we'll never fail to remember in our lives. "then a name...NOW A LEGEND"

God has a purpose, God has a plan, there are things that we don't understand now, but I know God surely has provided and will provide what's best for each one of us. May we always be reminded of His love for us despite the painful experiences. Pray.

2003-12-09T15:50:00.000+08:00

Ho-hum... another day of my being unproductive. Yes, if it isn't the boring day, it would be the not that exciting day...One thing I don't like about what i'm into right now, is going home and telling my family (and friends, if i may add) these lines... "Hey! Nah..didn't do anything much at work today..." like DUH!!! Didn't do anything(!) ... as in none ... ZERO, ZIP! I dislike saying those words... it's like i was brought here just to surf around, chat with people..and what? Stare at the computer for hours... Pity me I haven't done even half of what my other classmates are doing. Well, yeah, Patience is a virtue... but would it matter if i say that my patience is running out! I've been totally ranting of these matters every now and then, and i guess it just doesn't help. (Calm down, calm down...) Okay now, I've been too dramatic about it lately...anyways, what other things happened to me aside from those nonsense rantings... Wait, there's still another one i haven't removed out of my system yet. Last saturday, that was the 6th of December, we were supposed to have this class in school...however, because of the "responsibility" of such professor, he didn't attend to it. and what then do i call that??? Irresponsibility, no consideration with his students... wonder why i'm ranting over this???? well, its because this is the only subject we have during weekends..one, single subject..and whatl he did was not attend to it while we were pretending to be so "ecstatic" about it... What's the cause of just saying to his students that we have no classes?! It would have been better that way.. but heck no... all he did was stay at his office and wait for us to go there without even making us informed of the matter. and what was his reason? That he was so busy and stuck up with things he needed to comply with?! Then what about us... we pay for our classes... we go there because we are obliged to... and all he did was make our precious time ruined and wasted. Yeah, it really pisses me off thinking of it... I'm sorry but I get angry too most often that not.. Just have to vent it out here so things will get normal with me again...

2003-12-03T11:32:00.000+08:00

Missing you...

Starting a new day having you in my thoughts made me miss you more... each day never passed by without those memories that I recall...those days that i spent with you.
What is that in you that i miss so much???
hmmm.... think think think...maybe the feeling i have when i'm with you....or the way you make me feel special....well, whatever it is just wana say that i do miss you.. haha... yeah..that's it actually...
Pretty weird huh? it's what i'm feeling now... weakening really...but still, seeing that there are still coming days that we'll be seeing each other gives me joy...and hope..something to look forward to...miss you badly dear...

2003-11-28T15:09:00.000+08:00

Every morning, as I wake up, I see the "beauty" that lies in the limitless sky that i see... Bound with love, passion and desire, each moment that passes by has continued to enliven the feelings that has been kept inside. Seemingly, as has been encompassed with these ardent affection that lies within, this great amount of love is solely given to one who has fully appreciated the true "me". To whom even with my flaws i have been accepted, and with my imperfections I have been loved... For the amountless joy that I have experienced in the past days that i have lived, I've seen the bigger picture of life, in different views that I never imagined them to be. In my life's journey, I met people along the road, travelled with some, searched for the right path with them..others have left, others fell, some stayed with me... through hurricanes and tempests that came along my way, few have helped me regain my strength..and "one" has been here with me, still keeping up with me, recharging me as i get frail through life's painful trials. This "precious life" has been there with me... though even for just a short time, has truly made a difference in my living. Unconditional, this i can't really tell... for He knows how much love there is i have for this person... "love"- in ways that i've learned to appreciate the simplest things in life....and even those which are too complicated. This flame shall not be kept within me, for someday, the impact that has been inculcated in me will then find it's way to extend to those who is in need of it... who needs the same love that i have been blessed with. Temporary, all these may seem to be, but in this heart that He has given me... everything that has happened, that has been felt, will remain to be one of the most important fragile part within. The different notes mixed in my life's music wouldn't tune out right... for what it needs is the "perfect melody" that makes all these hum into one "perfect song" ... that which is "you - my song".

2003-11-21T14:05:00.000+08:00

A strong Voice, a changed Life...

Who do you think this could be? Of course, one would say it's our true Lord and Saviour... Yup, this strong voice could be Him.. that would be applicable to the years I have lived my life...But also, there's this person who has made things change in my life. One who made a different impact on what i've become today....
That would be a good friend of mine. We met just last summer through our worskhop days. And yeah, we knew each other through that activity. I found this person very interesting... coz she ain't all that you see in her. First impression... snob, mataray, rich kid, sosyal ... that's what you see in her. But heck no! The time i started chatting with this girl (although through text only) , i was shocked knowing how different she was. Why say then that she created an impact in me? well, for one thing, to the people who knows me that well, i'm this type of person who hates talking. haha... yeah, telling stories, sharing my insights and opinions isn't my nature. I just sit around, enjoy people's conversations... and just listen... listen... and listen. That is what i loved doing before... simply observe...and have thoughts run around my head...not letting it out... How then has she changed me? There was this one night that we talked on the phone... and she just kept on dropping questions to me... with that, the same, old, silly answers came out of my mouth... those were my usual expressions of "wala lang", "ewan ko", "siguro", "baka", etc... and my, oh my, know what happened next??? for the very first time, she or someone as i may say hung up on me. it was really one thing i would never forget ...
After putting down the phone, I had time to think about what happened. Hours passed, minutes went by, and yup(!), i found the importance of that conversation. It was those clear words that struck me... those words that said... "unless you're able to voice out what you truly feel, think, or whatever you have inside your head, don't talk to me!".... haha.. scary huh? yeah, really threatening, but makes good sense though. I was awakened really... and i thank her for what she did. It may sound rude, but i learned something from it. From then on, I was able to change my way of answering questions... little by little, i was able to express how and what i feel through words... and it's really nice knowing that i'm able to do that now.
Hey, whatever i've become now, I thank you for that my friend. you know who you are... no need for me to mention your name... I know you've helped others too... just grateful i've met you, and learned much from you..... Love you my friend!!!

2003-11-20T16:50:00.000+08:00

My Dad's home again...

YUpYupYUp!!! My dad's here now... What do I feel? I really can't tell... it's all mixed up...my emotions I can't understand...

Could it be that I'm excited to see him again? Possible... Coz I see him like once a year, and that is a month a year or two months a year, for the longest...

Maybe scared to see him? Not really...

Or maybe shy to face him?actually, through my whole life... i've been shy towards him... never had those talks with my father...may it be short talks, or serious talks... it's one thing i did regret in my life. it's not getting to know him, not feeling what it's like to have a father to talk to.. to have a father who could guide you... everytime he comes home... i was the only one who can't approach him that easily. i find it hard really... a lot of times i feel awkward about it... but even then, with those times, that i feel stupid not being able to feel comfortable with him.
This day i promise myself that i'd be different. I'll make every move i have to make just to be able to talk to him, and know him better. It wouldn't be that late for me to do this i know, for i believe that God reserves the right time for me to just simply take away my shyness and build up a stronger relationship between my father and i.

Do I miss him? Yeah, i do... so much. I've been denying it for the longest... and only now did i realize how much my heart longs for my dad. Knowing that my sister and mom was already with him awhile ago made my heart cry out for him. I want to see him now.. want just to look at him and tell him how grateful i am to have a dad who sacrificed his happy moments here with his family and work just for us to have a good living.I admire him for the strong conviction he has... and i'm proud to say that he's my dad. He too also has his flaws.. and even with that, i still love him. haven't actually told him that i do feel that way... maybe it's my time to say it to him? :) yeah.. i'll do that.
Clock is ticking now... hurray! One hour and 10 minutes to go and i'll be on my way home to see him!!!

2003-11-20T16:26:00.000+08:00

Lunch time wouldn't be that fun without friends around...

Days have passed, and i can say that being here at an OJT site could be that fun in someway. Of course, a very important time to be remembered often is during our lunch break. A time for giggling, time for bringing out our hurts, jokes maybe, or just simply have that endless chat we could always have talking about anything one can think of. I really enjoy times with the people here... would i name them? yeah sure... :) Kitty, Regina, Leizel, Jamie, Raquel, May, Euniz, April, Nancy, and Errol. I really had good times when i'm with these people... surely one will laugh their hearts out... pretty soothing for one who is stressed with too much work. Personally, sharing my short precious moments with friends eases my worries and pains even for awhile. I really feel blessed being with these people around me...
Anyways, for what life is worth... friends are even to be taken care of.. they're a part of me, a big part of what i've become... wait.. am i being that redundant now? i'm sorry.. i just feel that often times i still need to show and tell the people around me how special they are.. this could be the last day of my life.. i don't know.. so i take care every opportunity i have and grab it.. so again to all my friends.. thanks for the happy moments! and even for the sad ones! hehe....

2003-11-17T15:13:00.000+08:00

"Lord, I offer my life to you, everything I've been through..."

This song has touched my heart once again when I heard it in our church service yesterday. The whole week i was that doubtful, full of problems, which i never thought would last. It has been my worst I may say... the worst that I almost fell into the pit. But yesterday, once again, i was reminded of something. Through a song, He spoke to me once more and told me to lift up all my worries, my doubts, my burdens to Him, and use them for His glory. I've been struck of not really instilling ne heart that He's just there, standing by my side, helping me to carry the things I have within me right now. They may be hurting, but in each instance, I know in myself that i have learned a lesson from it.

2003-11-14T15:40:00.000+08:00

SPEECHLESS...

...Feelings...unfathomable...too complex for words...
...Words...these are not enough to show the real emotions I have inside...
...A friendship that started with curiosity...bloomed unexpectedly...completely embraced with love and care...hoping for it to last...but then has ended traumatically...
...For our times together, even if it was just through the internet, I thank you for your kindness..for your sincerity in showing your enthusiasm with the bond that has been built within us...
....My prayers i give you, my love i still have for you...
...Take care my friend... I'll surely miss you...

2003-11-12T17:55:00.000+08:00

THE REAL ME...

"A person with dignity, courage, strong belief, someone who's unbreakable...."
That's how people see me... what others do not know is I have lots of struggles in my life. Deep inside me is a heart full of trials, worries, and pain... I'm just one of those normal people who experience deep solitude because of enlivened unthought of events. Reality is I have to face everything... I may take another road to get away from dilemmas, stop and ignore what's happening, but still, beyond that road, whichever i take, awaits the same destination.
God has, for some reason, showed me that trials are those which makes me become a better person. For which i am tested, my faith too is in danger. I've been through places, through times of temptation, other times i gave in, other times i rejected it and stood for my faith. In times like this, it is when i see how God really works in my life. How i view Him as my Creator applies to seeing Him as more than that ... as a Father.
I tend to give up, lose hope, lose my faith... but still because of His enduring love He teaches me to be still and just listen.
These times are those in which i learn how to trust, accept, love, and forgive. God provided me and has blessed me with things i don't deserve to have... and as He has given me these things i have now, i give back my life to Him, offer what i can best give...

2003-11-12T14:16:00.000+08:00

PRECIOUS GEMS...

Gem - a: something prized especially for great beauty or perfection
b: a highly prized or well-beloved person

These precious gems are my friends.
Never really had the chance to say thank you to those people who backed me up in things that i do... to those who have supported me, given me the confidence, given me encouraging words, lifted me up when i was about to fall and about to give up, gave a pat on my shoulder and said that everythings gonna be okay,... to those who just shared to me their warm greetings and smiles...to those who cried with me and prayed for me...with my sincerest heart... i thank you.
Words simply can't express my gratitude towards you, but if these would be enough to tell people that i am content with what i am now, it is all because of you, the help, the love, care that you've given me. For our times together, each moment spent with you are much valued and cared for.

2003-11-11T16:59:00.000+08:00

TRUTH SOMETIMES HURTS...

Each day comes with different stories to tell.. different experiences to share to people... and different lessons to learn. What I didn't expect was conflicts to be settled. For the past months, I haven't really had any serious conflcts with anyone, not until the Friday incident at Rockwell. I've been involved with this situation where i was seen as the "black sheep" in the group, since i told what i saw to our leader and what is true. It was done purely because of concern and love. SOmetimes telling the truth hurts... and that's what i felt. For days i've been too much bothered with the situation, too much hurt of the pain i caused the people involved... scared of losing relationships and friendships that has been formed. It's hard getting out on a situation like this... But at that moment, i told myself not to lose hope in myself, to stand up for what i merely believed in, and be able to face anything that would come my way.
It was Monday that the issue was talked about. Everyone was there, present at that time... Hatred, hurt, pain, sadness... it's what i saw in their faces... and somehow i felt guilty with what i did... blamed myself for what i've caused. but even with that, i remembered that i have nothing to be scared of... for in my ways, i know what i did was right. i may lose friends, i may lose relationships.. but it's only with that that i can prove and tell myself who my real friends are. friends are those who can accept conflicts, who helps each one in any way... friends are those who won't make a problem become more important than what you have, but let it be a basis to build a stronger foundation of your friendship. Other than that, i have my family who's always there to support me and most importantly my Father in heaven who has always been there... and i know that in Him, everything will be alright...
The issue may have been settled... and even if there are still things or feelings which haven't been said during that time, i just pray that there will come a day where everything will not be kept untold. May we find panacea in the problems we encounter... and find peace with one another.
With this situation, i had the chance to make another song... for which the verses aren't that polished yet so i'll just be writing the chorus and the first verse here.. it tells of how i felt at that moment... how i've struggled with life's situations, and even with that, through Him, i see hope in me, i see the light that bountifully shines forth amidst darkness that covers me...

Today I'm feelin' lonely
Lost without a hope
How can i pretend that i'm happy all along?
I pray i'm not mistaken
For bringing news to life
Coz i'm scared to face what the future might hold

*But i see the light
I see the star shine up above the sky
Oh when darkness falls
You're the one to call
For there's no lie
In You the truth will not collide
Forever You will be
The One who'll keep me alive

2003-11-07T15:59:00.000+08:00

THOUGHTS WRITTEN...

Putting my thoughts into words is a lot easier for me than saying it to anyone. I'm into composing songs now, and I'm grateful for I have accomplished two of them. One is entitled "Relentless" and the other...umm.. still on the process of thinking of a better title for it. Well, since i'll be posting it here, maybe you can help me on it. Anyways, i've nothing much to say now so i guess you better check out my songs first and comment on it maybe? Thanks...

Email Me

RELENTLESS

When I see you next to me
My mind starts to fade and words disappear
I look into your eyes and see
The most beautiful my eyes has laid to see
Oh how I long so much for you
But I guess it’ll be just me who’ll dream of having you
Still these words are kept in me
Scared to say to you the love that I feel

When will it stop for me to keep this
When will these words come out and make this crazy move
Oh when...
For when I’ll say these will you stay?
Or will you just walk away?

*Oh, I love you, yes I love you
I love you, and though I know you don’t
I’d still feel the same

Now that I’ve told you I love you
Will you believe in me my heart that’s pure and true
Will you now take me in your arms
Or will I just look back and cry my pain for you

When will I stop to keep on dreaming?
when will my heart stop beating for my love for you?
Oh when...
For now that I’ve said it will you stay?
or will you then walk away?

...Here's the other one...

UNTITLED

As I wake up and see
a brand new day in front of me
The vast horizon is changing,
its beauty has drawn me near.
It’s then that I see how my love has grown,
grown so intensively.
The joy that’s in me is all I could sing,
all I could sing…

*You’re the love that I feel
the air that I breathe
the voice my heart speaks
the song that I sing.
Every word that I say is all about you.
My life, won’t be life if it’s without you…
Without you…

With the places I’ve been,
I’ve heard some stories that made me doubt on you.
But what we have is stronger,
it overcame all that’s untrue.
(And)If you’d ask me would I stand up in the crowd,
proclaim what I feel for you…
I would take all the chances I have to say,
and proudly reveal what is true.